Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Movin' On Up

You asked for it and now we've delivered (weird considering we never followed up on anything at work). As we branch out and move on to bigger and better, turns out our awesomeness can no longer be confined by this lame blog. Plus we have a lot more stories from our past lives as corporate slaves that we needed to share. 

So save this in your bookmarks, tell your friends and find us cool jobs.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Digital Will

Apparently there are a bunch of companies popping up these days that help you plan for what will happen to your "online life" once you die. So lets say your facebook account and your blog etc. There are services that you can pay about $30 a year for where you hand over all your passwords and info and then when you die I guess someone has to email them to get all your info. I'm not really sure why anyone would need to do this, like if I die who gives a shit what happens to my facebook page, what is my mom going to log on and write on my wall "Sarah's dead, RIP". The last thing I need is her seeing any of the scandalous pictures that people feel the need to tag me in on facebook. It has gotten me thinking though about what will happen to the blog if lets say Aldous and I get trampled by elephants when we're on the Amazing Race. I'm trying to think of who would be able to carry on our legacy, if you're interested please let me know, requirements include lots of free time and no shame.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Jobs needed to end recession

This is the title of an article today on CNN.com. I did a double take thinking I must not be reading it correctly but thats exactly what it says. I love when people state the stupidly obvious. Ohhh jobs are needed to end the recession, I thought that if people kept losing their jobs the recession would eventually just end. I'm going to start writing for CNN with shocking articles like "Recession bad for the economy" and "Job loss leads to less people working". I'll probably win a Pulitzer. I hope our blog posts are a little more insightful but God knows I've had my bombs. This reminds me of being in meetings when someone says something completely retarded and you're cringing for them thinking about how they're going to get reamed out and then your boss says "Great point Joe, we should share that with the clients." Man, how I don't miss work.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dating the Unemployed

Theres been a bunch of studies released recently about how people feel about dating the "unemployed", God you would think we were lepers. The good news is that apparently its less of an issue for men when women are unemployed. I really blame those sassy feminists for making it such a big deal for women to have a job. Like wasn't it only 40 years ago when it was cool for women to not work, I'm just trying to uphold American values here. Now when I meet guys at a bar, I tell them that I don't have a job but I love cooking and cleaning and think that men are the superior sex who should be responsible for all decision making and heavy lifting. At least the study says that being unemployed is more attractive than living at home...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Aging in Unemployment

Do I have a problem or are most people scared of getting older? Some people (who I believe are full of shit) love to say that they love getting older because it brings "wisdom" and "confidence" and a bunch of other crap. I like to think I'm pretty wise and confident now, so I'll pass on the arthritis and memory loss. I don't worry about turning 30, I worry about getting old and dying. And just to prove that the grass is always greener I used to be very worried about getting old in a job I hated. I was going to look back at my life and say "that sucked". Now I sometimes worry that I'll look back on my life and think "wow, I didn't have a job for 50 years and live in a box. That wasn't a good choice either." I guess if you get old enough you start thinking the box is a mansion or like a cool lounge area in heaven.  

Monday, May 11, 2009


I just read that the U.S. economy loses over $148 billion a year in reduced productivity or absenteeism due to hangovers. I'm pretty sure a big chunk of that was solely from me and Sarah's old office. I would attribute close to a billion dollars to myself alone. It really wasn't even my fault a lot of times. They'd serve booze at any ridiculous office event. "We won a small portion of the tiniest piece of business on earth, let's have beers", "a client is coming in, wine in the lobby",  "we lost tons of business, shots", "nothing's going on on facebook, let's drop acid". 
Think of how much less severe this great depression thing would have been if people had stopped drinking about a year ago.  So to you employed people, think about it next time you have a drink on a workday. I on the other hand will continue to drink guilt free. 

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Battle to the Death

People are always saying they, or their office, or their group of friends or their something deserve a reality show. Normally, I agree politely but know their show would suck more than "Two and a Half Men". And then I sat through most of an episode of the Hills. No one...no human being on earth deserves a reality show less than that group of people. Nothing happens in their lives that is even kinda interesting, except for when Audrina wears bathing suits. So I have an idea for MTV: all the Hills cast members battle to the death (this is filmed) and the last one alive gets to start over with their own show. If that winner will continue to get free tickets to Cabo, Hawaii and free drinks at every club then I'll consider playing a secondary role. So I'll be like that dude Frankie. And don't think you can steal my idea now MTV, it's been documented. I'm like a lawyer. 

Friday, May 8, 2009

Jizz in My Pants

Thanks to Andy Samberg I'm never going to get another job...and possibly another date or another friend. Since the day I first saw 'Jizz in My Pants' I have not stopped saying 'jizz in my pants' -- "Hey Sarah, how was the movie? It was so funny I jizzed in my pants", "When you see what that dude is wearing you are going to jizz in your pants". Its a good thing that I'm not actively seeking employment (just kidding NY State) because I'm fairly certain that I couldn't control myself in an interview - "The brand strategy that I developed for my accounts would make you jizz in your pants, sir". I'm practically afraid to answer the phone when my parents call because I'm afraid it will slip out, in which case I would be promptly shipped to the closest convent.  Oh and heres the kicker, I just realized about 2 days ago that not everyone is familiar with the video, so probably 50% of people who I've said this to just think I'm a dirty whore. With the subsequent releases of the "I'm on a Boat" and "I'm the Boss" videos this is pretty much what a conversation with me sounds like:
Anyone: How was the food last night?
Sarah: Awesome, I jizzed in my pants.
Anyone: What are you doing today?
Sarah: I'm on a boat
Anyone: When are you updating the blog?
Sarah: I'm the boss
I know, I'm awesome.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Small Business Resources

As you may know (from having read our "Internet Therapy" interview) both Sarah and I are working on our own 'entrepreneurial endeavors'. Once you start digging it's pretty impressive the amount of free stuff and advice you can get from the city for your small business. So we've been to two different classes this week offered by the Small Business Branch of the public library. I'm gonna say they were good because I felt productive being there, but I can't vouch for the actual content. I zoned out two minutes into it, kept looking at my watch, and had to focus pretty hard so that Sarah's non-stop giggling at the weird teacher wouldn't make me laugh. Most people there were pretty old so at least we have a head start. Most of them had trouble with words and numbers too so competition won't be that bad either. But thanks city for doing something with some of my tax dollars.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Tough Love

I'm so excited. I just saw today that there is going to be another season of VH1's Tough Love and they are currently holding auditions. For those of you living under a rock, Tough Love is a reality show where a matchmaker dude helps sluts overcome their dating issues and find love. Its actually humiliating for the girls on the show because you watch them get rejected by guys and cry about how their dads never loved them so now they're scarred for life. The only reason I want to be on it is because each girl is given a nickname, for example Miss Picky or Miss Gold Digger, and I cannot wait to see what name I would be given. Some contenders could be: Miss Boozes-a-lot, Miss Unemployed, Miss Laughs-too-loud, I'm sure my 'friends' have plenty others to add.