Thursday, May 14, 2009

Jobs needed to end recession

This is the title of an article today on I did a double take thinking I must not be reading it correctly but thats exactly what it says. I love when people state the stupidly obvious. Ohhh jobs are needed to end the recession, I thought that if people kept losing their jobs the recession would eventually just end. I'm going to start writing for CNN with shocking articles like "Recession bad for the economy" and "Job loss leads to less people working". I'll probably win a Pulitzer. I hope our blog posts are a little more insightful but God knows I've had my bombs. This reminds me of being in meetings when someone says something completely retarded and you're cringing for them thinking about how they're going to get reamed out and then your boss says "Great point Joe, we should share that with the clients." Man, how I don't miss work.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dating the Unemployed

Theres been a bunch of studies released recently about how people feel about dating the "unemployed", God you would think we were lepers. The good news is that apparently its less of an issue for men when women are unemployed. I really blame those sassy feminists for making it such a big deal for women to have a job. Like wasn't it only 40 years ago when it was cool for women to not work, I'm just trying to uphold American values here. Now when I meet guys at a bar, I tell them that I don't have a job but I love cooking and cleaning and think that men are the superior sex who should be responsible for all decision making and heavy lifting. At least the study says that being unemployed is more attractive than living at home...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Aging in Unemployment

Do I have a problem or are most people scared of getting older? Some people (who I believe are full of shit) love to say that they love getting older because it brings "wisdom" and "confidence" and a bunch of other crap. I like to think I'm pretty wise and confident now, so I'll pass on the arthritis and memory loss. I don't worry about turning 30, I worry about getting old and dying. And just to prove that the grass is always greener I used to be very worried about getting old in a job I hated. I was going to look back at my life and say "that sucked". Now I sometimes worry that I'll look back on my life and think "wow, I didn't have a job for 50 years and live in a box. That wasn't a good choice either." I guess if you get old enough you start thinking the box is a mansion or like a cool lounge area in heaven.  

Monday, May 11, 2009


I just read that the U.S. economy loses over $148 billion a year in reduced productivity or absenteeism due to hangovers. I'm pretty sure a big chunk of that was solely from me and Sarah's old office. I would attribute close to a billion dollars to myself alone. It really wasn't even my fault a lot of times. They'd serve booze at any ridiculous office event. "We won a small portion of the tiniest piece of business on earth, let's have beers", "a client is coming in, wine in the lobby",  "we lost tons of business, shots", "nothing's going on on facebook, let's drop acid". 
Think of how much less severe this great depression thing would have been if people had stopped drinking about a year ago.  So to you employed people, think about it next time you have a drink on a workday. I on the other hand will continue to drink guilt free. 

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Battle to the Death

People are always saying they, or their office, or their group of friends or their something deserve a reality show. Normally, I agree politely but know their show would suck more than "Two and a Half Men". And then I sat through most of an episode of the Hills. No human being on earth deserves a reality show less than that group of people. Nothing happens in their lives that is even kinda interesting, except for when Audrina wears bathing suits. So I have an idea for MTV: all the Hills cast members battle to the death (this is filmed) and the last one alive gets to start over with their own show. If that winner will continue to get free tickets to Cabo, Hawaii and free drinks at every club then I'll consider playing a secondary role. So I'll be like that dude Frankie. And don't think you can steal my idea now MTV, it's been documented. I'm like a lawyer.